Game Necromancer

[TechnoWolf]

 Welcome to the House of Dead Video Games !

in this house, dead games are being called forth back from their grave and to the world of the living. We have some contestants here, let me recap their stories :

You have Mega Man, a young & brave blue robot, who didn't hesitate to go to war to save a world he barely knew from the clutches of a mad scientist. Over the decades & centuries, the stories about him have evolved and more characters have joined. Oh the games weren't that special for the most part, some of them were awesome though, and the universe had a lot of potential.

Well, my good fellow, this little guy wasn't brought back to the dead into an empty shell of a copy once... but twice !

His new shell is Beck, and his game isn't out yet, but it didn't prevent the director to ask people for money FIVE. TIMES.


Our second guest here is Bloodstained. Anybody remember Castlevania ? the IGA style ? You guys did hate the new Lords of Shadow games, especially the one who DARED to change the environnement and have Dracula running around in a town ? why ? because it "wasn't castlevania" even if before this game you all complained castlevania was being the same.... well necromancers heard your wish... and there you go : a brand new shell for the IGAvania, a kickstarter that raised > 1 million in the span of a night, without anybody batting an eye.


Yokaa Layle, same thing : someone made a nice platformer during an era, it never got a sequel (well it did, but nobody cared back there, curiously), and now people raised these guys from the early grave they put him into. Isn't that funny ?


OH BUT WAIT, somebody revived a game fully : Mr. Suzuki is partering with Sony to make Shenmue III, a decade long dream of the sega fan, come true...... with your money...... even if anything Sega did is now long gone.

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Ladies & Gent'

I need to ask you. Who's next ?


How about Yuji Naka making a game called Snappy the Snail : in which a Snail running abnormally fast, must travel into various landscapes, to deliver his previous forest from the diabolical plans of a mad scientist, called "Dr. Ballman" trying to turn every animals into robots ?


How about a kickstarter bringing Sparkster back from his grave ? a fox-knight with a light saber & a gun


How about a kickstarter bringing back the old Ultima series ? assemble your team and fight evil monsters from Hell, with your micro management as you had it in the 90s on PC


How about a kickstarter to revive... ooh... this is an old putrid one.... the old survival horror : you know, these games with tedious control, horrifying camera angles, and cheesy ass voice acting. You know, these kind of games that got good only near the gamecube era, at the moment everybody and their mother started telling they sucked because they were too easy (understand : playable for human characters who have no masochistic penchants in their gaming habits). Yeah, let's make a game called The Insidious ... Wrongly... (I need to work the title out......... that'll teach me for talking shit about The Evil Within and its bullshit)


How about a kickstarter that brings back sprites made with digitalized actors, weren't they all classic ?


I was about to make a joke about a Metroid clone being kickstarted, but.................. Metroid's soul might be saved actually.


You know, there's a bottomless well of abandonned franchise waiting to be brought back into the House of Dead Video Games, plus there's an army of feminists and self proclaimed pop culture critics that are ready to sink their fangs & nails into those new projects so they can drive the game out of its original road and push their stupid & narrow-minded agenda.

You are alone in a dark room with the corpses of your favourite video game character on one side, and an army of shrieking harpies that are casting a dark spell to revive them. On a scale of one to ten : how frightenned are you ?



What are your feelings towards this mad house of gaming ? what games have I left ? should you have kickstarted anything ? do you need to redeem yourselves for your sins ? will you kickstart anything in the future ? Do we not need to just check out of gaming ?